When I first embarked on this whole stay-at-home parenting venture, I had high hopes for myself. I strived for healthy & homemade meals, wonderful plated snacks waiting on the table when the kids got off the bus, a clean and organized house, perfectly coordinated routines… you know? It couldn’t be that hard right?
I thought if I just planned and set goals, like I did at my “real” job, staying at home would be easy-peasy. I may even have time for an afternoon nap.
Each and every morning I would wake up, work-out, shower, do my hair and make-up, and then tackle my “to do” list. I would be the perfect freaking stay-at-home mom and the perfect freaking wife. For several months, I actually caused myself stress striving to achieve this…
Feeling like a failure at the end of the day, when I looked around and realized the house looked no different than it did when I started in the morning – even though I was sure I hadn’t sat down all day. Feeling like a failure at 4:00pm, when I realized I was still in my workout clothes. A workout that never happened. Feeling like a failure when my husband would call and ask what’s for dinner and my answer was “You tell me!”.
However, in the last little while I’ve changed my strategy.
I’ve changed my attitude.
I’ve changed my perspective.
Now, more and more, when I find myself becoming stressed out about achieving this level of perfection, I end up mumbling two little words to myself. Two little words that feel OH SO good to say!
You guessed it!
F*ck It!
Now you may find that a tad aggressive. I know there are many people who are not fans of the “F” word, but personally, I find it to be a very therapeutic word to say. Especially since becoming a parent. In the past few months, I’ve said “F it” to all those things I listed above. Not all the time. And not all at once. But it’s been said. And I feel great! To be more specific, I feel FREE!
To give you an idea, here are the top 6 things I have said “F it” to…
- F trying to make healthy, delicious, non-processed meals each and everyday.
F that! Hitting up the drive-through or throwing in a ready-made pizza every now and then isn’t going to kill anyone! Feeling bad about this was ludicrous.
- F the “No Lunchable” Rule
On the same note, I used to be completely against putting lunchables in the kids’ lunches. I thought they were lazy, expensive and, not to mention, full of preservatives.
Now? F that!
Every once and a while, when the day has been crazy and I don’t feel like having time to fulfill three different sandwich requests, I grab them. For the steep price of $4.99 per child, I’ve decided that my sanity is worth every penny.
3. F pretending I have it all together ALL of the time
The first time I cried after having my baby girl, I said to my husband “Don’t tell anyone I broke down”. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know that, for a brief moment in time, I wasn’t completely prepared for everything parenting had to throw at me.
Such a rookie move.
Now I tell my girlfriends, and heck, anyone who reads my blog, about the nights when I lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine and cry. Because now I know that every single mom has moments like these… Let’s keep it real here ladies, parenting is a hard gig with a never-ending to-do list! Give yourself permission to have a meltdown every now and again!
- F clean clothes on a daily basis
I used to sounds like a broken record trying to ensure the kids were in clean clothes each and everyday. Now? F that! I don’t care. They just need to APPEAR clean. Love those pants? Want to wear them every single day until you wear them out? Go for it, buddy! Laundry is done whenever I feel like it, twice a week. Until then, here is a damp cloth! Wipe off the mud and off you go!
This mama will no longer be slaving over the washing machine until 10pm!
- F Making sure my house is clean before other Moms came over for a visit
Seriously, F that!
There is no sense in us all pretending we keep a clean and organized house ALL the time… Most importantly, when our friends come over, there is no sense in us apologizing for the “mess”, when we know damn well the house is the cleanest it’s been in weeks.
We have kids. They play here. There is nothing to be ashamed of! Your friend is probably just happy that you didn’t come to her house and see the gong show over there!
- F doing everything myself
Sometimes as moms, we have this idea that things have to be done our way (because, truth be told, our way is better right?). Making dinner, running errands, organizing things… We think about delegating, but our fear of it not turning out just as we want, leads us to say “Don’t worry, I’ll just do it!”.
F that!
Delegate… ask for help! Kids can help sweep up or put laundry away in their drawers. Heck, they can throw a load in the wash. Your husband can pick up some groceries. He may not get the right cheese and will probably take 3 times as long as you would, but that’s okay! You’ve got one less thing on your list!
You’re only one woman!
This list could go on and on. I assure you, there are many days when “F it” is this Mama’s mantra!
And guess what?! Since I’ve cut myself some slack, something strange has happened! There must be something pretty powerful about giving yourself permission to “F it” because my house is more organized than it has ever been! Most importantly I am way more fun than I was when I was to trying to be the “perfect” freaking stay-at-home mom and the “perfect” freaking wife.
F being perfect! Let just keep it real!
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Jamie Scrimgeour
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